2011BlencoweAlanSml.jpgThe Storyteller


Disclaimer: The contents of these pages may well be based on ideas from fact but the effect of my imagination has rendered them largely fiction!  Do not give credibility to the contents.....   unless you have a suspicious mind..... well, do you?  The name have been changed to protect the....   well the names have been changed but if you're clever and around in 2007, you might just work it out.

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In the citadel of Wantamall, There’s one thing gets my goat
The water table’s dropping and I can’t fill up the moat
My enemies surround me and they’re going for my throat

They’re climbing up the battlements they’re scaling over walls
They chase me in my throne room and they’re grabbing at my…
car allowance
There’s Maggie and there’s Didi, Lana and the rest
I tried to kid that they were friends, but couldn’t stand the test
The're closing in around me and I haven’t time to rest

Don Quixote was the first one sliding letters ‘neath the door
But the camera gave her up and then she wasn’t any more
Sancho Panza was the next one and she never seemed to mind
All the sanctions levelled on her with her lollies in her hand
Her protests they were all in vain and lost upon the wind

The butcher king he did contest my kingdom and the land
He nearly won the fight with me; I killed him in the end
The dragon flying from the North, she caught me by the throat
But Humpty drew his sword and left her dying in the moat
I got on with the kingdom with a little time to gloat

Miss Marple always checks on me with questions by the score
She tries to keep me honest but she’s getting rather sore
Rumpole always trusted me he doesn’t any more
He used to tell me secrets now he’s hacking at my door
He likes to wallow in the blood since he’s come to war

Defarge is always knitting, agendas she has read
She’s spread a great big plastic sheet she’s baying for my head
Prince valiant is fairly new his talent’s fairly green
But he’s almost to the battlement; friends are nowhere to be seen
I thought that he would be my friend but now he’s joined their team

Poor Humpty’s up there wobbling he’s doing his very best
But if he reaches out too far I doubt he’ll stand the test
My minder’s told me where to go, his back’s against the wall
If I do not get some friends around my kingdom’s bound to fall
There are enemies around me, my citadel and all

Lady Penelope is friends no more my throat she’d like to choke
I used to have some sport with her but she couldn’t take the joke
Lisa Simpson is so very smart she’s always into books
She tries to keep me honest with dignity and angry looks
Now she’s tilting at the wall with those nasty grappling hooks

Alfred E Neuman is annoyed because safety is his flair
He’d like to talk about it but I’m hardly ever there
Long John Silver was a friend and always by my side
But since he got his sea legs back in Bali he did bide
My enemies are ‘round me and he’s coming for the ride

The Mikado always stands by me, I see him as a friend
But if I dare to turn my back, he’ll shoot me in the end
Genie is a favourite and she’ll serve me evermore
But I’ll never get the upper hand and I’ll never win the war
I’ve rubbed and rubbed my magic lamp and my hand is getting sore

Wonder Woman’s new ‘round here, she’s sitting on the fence
I’d like to have her on my side I’ll know a year from hence
Mister Jaggers is a crusty one and dangerous I know
He’s standing on the battlements and soon he’ll have a go
I’d call upon my Deputy if I was sure he’d show

Old Fagin is a sly one with visions like my own
He doesn’t care if I would know he’d like to have my throne
The Pimpernell’s a crafty bloke, he does enjoy a dry
His back is full of knife holes but he refused to die
But if he forgets that I’m around I’ll have another try

I tried a trip to other climes I thought I’d catch some “ray”s
But all the trip would do for me is leave me in a daze
I thought that I would come back home with money or a “tan”
But I’d better think about it and think a better plan
And hope my girlfriend doesn’t think I’ve run off with a man

In the citadel of Wantamall, There’s one thing gets my goat
The water table’s dropping and I can’t fill up the moat
My enemies surround me and they’re going for my throat
I’d like to think it’s all a dream I dread my bones they’ll crunch
Till my secretary wakes me “Billy Bunter here’s your lunch”

Alan Blencowe April 2007


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